Gyoukou to Shin wa Onaji Darou?
by YunCyn
Summary: Translated: the light of dawn and faith are the same, aren’t they? 1shot, post manga chapter 171 onwards.


**Gyoukou to Shin wa Onaji, Darou?  
**_(The Light of Dawn and Faith are the Same, Aren't They?)_

_Disclaimer: Bleach (c) Kubo Tite_

_A/N: The events referred to are set in Chapter 171 and 172. However, the story itself is after Chapter 179. So if you haven't read up to at least chapter 172, I warn now for possible spoilers. Small ones but spoilers nonetheless. Proceed at your own risk._

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Night is dark and soothing. It hides the harsh light that blinds a person. The moon's light is pale and dim so it only caresses. It does not burn and does not stab.

Why is it, that even after death, humans always want to hide away from the light?

Maybe because the light reveals the truth, reflects what is real… and isn't it human nature to reject the flaws that so clearly jut out from an otherwise perfect surface?

You wish it can be night all the time. Just so you won't have to wake up and face another day… another light filled day that always seems to hold so much promise but can never be fulfilled. So you will not face the faith that is always let down. So you won't have to face the flaws and the fears.

You hate yourself so much that you refuse any mirror. You despise the sight of your face now. After all you have done…

You detest your name, your face, your entire existence.

In your heart of hearts, you know it is weak of you to do this. It is weak of you to limply give up like this. But from the very first moment you awoke and received news of what had happened, something in you died. Something that used to burn so brightly, something that had always flickered despite anything… has faded. It has faded with your spirit… faded with your faith.

Is this how it feels when everything you once trusted shatters like fragile glass upon jagged rocks?

No. Glass would leave shards on the ground, enough to remain gleaming in reflected light. There is still hope in glass.

Your eyes have none. Tears have reddened them, taken away the sparkle that was once such a regular facet of your personality.

You refuse any visitor that tries to enter. You don't talk anymore but murmur. Your voice seems to have also waned away. Your memory stubbornly plays over and over again images that make your heartache grow. A face you once admired, betrayed you in one cruel action. A face you know well, now you imagine as cold, still, unmoving even though it is not true. And the cruel voice will conclude that all this is because of _you_.

And the tears begin again even though you thought over and over, surely you have none left.

But it will be even worse if you have no more tears left to cry. Tears mean that no matter what your heart says, it will continue to beat. Tears mean that the fading of your spirit is not permanent. I know you. You will stand again. Your heart will mend. I'll make sure it does.

Because I want you to see the light you once loved. I want you to see and accept your flaws and strengths again as you once did.

Because _I_ did as well… and I still do.

And if you won't do it for yourself, then won't you do it for me? Will you stand and fight again for me?

I can only stand here in this doorway and watch you listlessly gaze at the moon, feeling so helpless, feeling angry at my weaknesses. I cannot tell you what I have been saying. My words fail me, my pride prevents me.

But, as I watch you turn away from the moon and watch your eyes catch sight of me, perhaps tonight, I can put away that mask I wear everyday. Only you are able to make me erase my mask. Do you know that?

Do you know that, Hinamori?

* * *

_How can you stand there and act the same?_

_How can you pretend like nothing has changed?_

…_how can you be so strong?_

_I could never be as strong as you are. But I never minded that. I never thought of it as a bad thing. I knew we all have our own strengths and if yours is bigger than mine, than so be it. I never minded._

_But now… I wish so badly I could be just as strong as you. _

_I wish that this heart of mine isn't so weak as to react like this. But…_

_I cannot. _

_Faith and trust are nothing physical._

_And yet when they are broken down and taken away… it hurts. Like a dull throbbing ache within, it hurts so badly. Your heart will feel so battered and bruised and every beat it makes will make the pain worse. And you just want it to stop but it won't. So it will continue hurting and hurting…_

_I'm so broken, I can't find enough of my pieces to put me back together. _

_Do you? Can you? You've always been able to somehow. You've always been better at piecing things together than I. You're much faster at seeing things, much quicker at picking up little details… things I always seem to miss._

_I was so stupid, so naïve. You warned me but I didn't listen. And then…_

_I hurt you._

_That is what makes me cry the most, do you know?_

_Because I hurt you. I said words that I should never have said, did what I should never have done._

_And then I hurt you. _

_My tears are rising again. Your face blurs in front of me. _

_I'm ashamed to see you now. So ashamed to face you that I cannot bear to look at you. I cannot bear to look at anyone now. _

_I turn away again, back to the window, so I can cry. You said once that crying was for babies. Shinigami never cry, you said. _

_I don't feel like a Shinigami now. I don't feel like anything. Have you felt this way before?_

_Have you ever felt this way before, Shirou-kun?

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You don't move a muscle as I cross the room, coming nearer to you.

_You're only making me cry even more with your presence. _

You don't say a word as I reach out to you but the tears continue flowing.

_You don't say anything when I flinch away once._

You don't object when I pull you into a sudden embrace from behind.

_You don't protest when I suddenly turn and wrap my arms around your waist, burying my face into your shoulder._

And we both remain by the window, _holding each other,_ erasing masks _and erasing pain, _until the dawn breaks softly over the horizon.

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Faith cannot be restored in just one night.

But you know, even the light of a new day comes slowly, ray by ray, glow by glow.

Faith must be the same too, don't you think?

**The End.**

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**A/N: **Sorry for the confusing way of writing but I wanted to try something new in a new category. (First time writing for Bleach...) Anyway, just to clarify things: the sentences without italics are being spoken or thought by Hitsugaya. Italicized ones are from Hinamori. I apologize for any confusion caused and I thank you for reading my story.


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